do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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