Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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