the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
