shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
birth control should be required to get into college
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
