Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
