I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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