So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
