he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
