You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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