The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
