He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize