im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
