Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.