please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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