insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.