I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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