you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
