There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
