I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
what day is it and did you see me today?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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