somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
