Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
