I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
