worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
