we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
