Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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