"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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