my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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