yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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