i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
