Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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