Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
