dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
