I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
