I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This is the high leading the old right now
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
