There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
