I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
