Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
