We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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