Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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