you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
