he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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