I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
