also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
