Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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