He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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