don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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