I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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