you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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