Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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