I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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