Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
