My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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