Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
