My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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