I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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