I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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