I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
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She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
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No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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