I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
