there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
