I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.