i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form