my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to