What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in