they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
