Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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