Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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