I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize