She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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