No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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