Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
