Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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