I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
