It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
