for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
