All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
