Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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