I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
