Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
