You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
