I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
