You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
