My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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