I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
