just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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