I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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