College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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