Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
