cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
