return my video game
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
